Ready to go again

And let the craziness begin!!

We are I am currently injecting for another round.  That will be number 4 for the year. 

I can't help but feel disillusioned.  This is something that I have to do.  I can't NOT do this. But my level of hope on this is pretty darn low.  I feel as if I am going through the motions.

What does it mean when this process has become run of the mill???  This is what normal looks like to me, and that in itself freaks me out a little.  I don't know what I'll do when this is all over.  Not just because of the obvious tragedy of not having our family, but the loss of the IVF rigmarole will be a loss of my normalcy. When I don't have to worry about injections or supplements or cycle days...

It's going to be strange not to have to track my periods.  It's going to be strange to go through days weeks without taking any pills.  It's going to be strange not having to go to Dr's every other day (or at least that's what it feels like).

--ooOoo--

I'm not in the bad place.  But I'm definitely not in the good place.

I'm very teary.  This could be because of the drugs (hello hormones!!) or it could be because this is a nightmare.

I am finding myself very isolated.  I tried to write a friend a letter, but I have nothing to say! I don't go anywhere, I don't talk to anyone, I don't have any interesting stories to tell...

I go to work and I do IVF.  And in my free time I lie in my bed and mope about my life.  Don't I sound like a happening person to hang out with!

--ooOoo--

So what are we doing differently this time round?

Short answer - Nothing.

Long answer - I'm seeing an acupuncturist and a naturopath. I'm taking extra supplements (co enzyme 10, Chromidum, Vitamin D) and Chinese herbs.  I have a meal plan to try and correct "imbalances" in my body.  We are not using the embryogen (the trial media we used last time) as it didn't make any noticeable difference.  We are on the same dose of Puregon (FSH) as last time. We are planning an early transfer to try and get any embryo out of the lab as soon as possible.

It looks like things are different, but they're really not.  None of these things will make any material difference to the cycle.  This is adding to the (for lack of a better word) apathy, about this cycle.

Dr Boothroyd has said that there is no reason why we haven't gotten pregnant, there is no medical reason that my oocytes aren't developing, so we should absolutely try one more round! But we should also start thinking about other options...

I don't want to think of other options.  Just thinking of thinking makes me sad.

But it's silly to be sad and to think about this now. Because this time next week, I could be pregnant!

I'm sure you'll hear from me between now and then though :-)

E xx